The Best Sex of Your Life

September 29, 2011

Of all the deep, even inspiring, sometimes important and potentially life-changing concepts I’ve deliberately shared with whomever find themselves reading this blog, the most popular by far is the one concerning yoga and the whole-body orgasm. That post was meant to inform in a very short yet comprehensive way anyone interested in the subject, laying a foundation for self-journey to focus on that aspect if deemed necessary.

Presented for the thinking, rational mind, it may leave you wanting for more to satisfy your heart’s mind. This is a place where words are not expressed, where talking serves no purpose, and you fuse your most base and lustful desires into harmony with what your mind can be most at peace. This natural fusion leaves you soothed into stillness, lasting bliss, and a sense of calm that dictates your actions and decisions with confidence backed by wisdom.

In case you weren’t sure how to say that you wanted exactly this, it’s perfectly fine to simply agree with the previous sentence. This is what the whole-body orgasm is, and it is a direct corollary to meditation and its goal, and the physical experience is what is known as, in very plain and flat English, orgasm through sexual intercourse.

Women comprise the majority of western yoga’s identity. It stands to reason then that some of these women may get a small peek of what they are working toward in a yoga class, and caught up in the moment with a plethora of thoughts and concentration combined with physical movement scientifically designed to target, stimulate, strengthen, and awaken sexual energy and the body’s related organs, may experience an orgasm. It helps if there is an instructor that either touches the student or simply exudes just what the female yoga student finds extremely favorable in that “take me I’m yours” kind of way.

This is not the whole-body orgasm, but simply, an orgasm experienced in an unexpected way in an unexpected situation in an unexpected place.  It’s special, certainly, but given some time, that specialness wears off, until maybe it happens again.

Sexually speaking, women are more complex creatures than men. Sex and the desire for sex which leads to the performance of sex exists in the mind for both men and women. But because we are created different, actually exactly opposite of each other physically so that we can successfully couple at the genital region, that life experience as either man or woman, in concert with the mind where sex exists, creates equally opposite viewpoints and conditions that we deem perfect for even entertaining the possibility of sexual union. It is a wonder sometimes that anyone is having sex at all, and because of this, many people aren’t, would like to, and are standing in their own way of experiencing this part of life given to them to enjoy fully and to bring happiness and ecstasy on the deepest level imaginable. People walking in this state radiate a glow that is unmistakable to onlookers, and it is also quite obvious when it is absent. In many ways this is no different from samadhi.

So, back to women and yoga and spontaneous orgasm. What you aren’t being told is that many women have difficulty in the bedroom. Many have partners with whom they can’t even experience orgasm. This is unfortunate, and probably a lot of hard work for their partners to become their sexual heroes. These same women and others with sexual challenges can tend to be the ones having these physical revelations in yoga class, and I don’t want to make any light of it because if they can then translate their revealed path to sexual liberation to the bedroom, or the park, or the parking lot, or a bench on Main St., it’s just another step in the right direction toward the goal. But it’s easy to get stuck in the short-lived pleasure of physical orgasm that stays physical and doesn’t evolve into the unbreakable connection between mind and body, flowing without limitation, ready to be accessed at any time to the full potential of enjoying what this gift has to offer.

Concentrating on the genitalia and keeping the focus there is the mistake that will stop you from experiencing the whole-body orgasm. That piece of information may sound obvious now as it is contained in the words “whole-body orgasm”, but in no way are the genitals to be excluded. A woman by definition of how her body is created to participate in the sexual act is the receiver of her lover’s gifts of attention, desire, unselfish motivation to please and be the creative force behind her sexual pleasure. It can help to envision a woman willing and ready in her sexual pleasure as an instrument like a violin that is anthropomorphically dying to be played by a master’s hands. Indeed, every woman is just such a violin, a beautiful creation of exquisite beauty ready to be caressed by the hands of a talented and skilled lover; but sometimes this violin may need to be retuned, re-stringed, humidified, even repaired by an expert. Women, ask yourselves, “Which kind of violin am I? Am I ready to be played this very instant? Or do I need to work on myself just a little, retune the strings? Do I need more than that, do I need repair by a professional before I am ready to be played wonderfully for hours by my lover, creating the most beautiful music imaginable?”. Men, ask yourselves, “Am I worthy of playing the finest, most beautifully crafted instrument that is perfectly tuned and ready for me to play? If the instrument is just slightly out of tune, can I tune it and then play the most beautiful music imaginable on this almost-ready yet beckoning curvaceous work of art? Or does this gorgeous, precious instrument that has so much potential in it require to be taken in for repair by an expert with the intention of playing sonic masterpieces once it is ready? Lastly, am I talented and skilled enough to take on this task?”. These simple questions can tell you a lot about yourself that either you didn’t know, or have been avoiding, hoping they didn’t really matter. Your Higher Self knows better, and ignoring that wisdom can only go on for so long before it has to be confronted.

Sexually enlightened individuals, a descriptive phrase that singles out a small category of all enlightened individuals, should not be mistaken for perverted people or sex addicts. You can tell quite easily who the perverts and sex addicts are by being driven into conversations or actions steered by them that only stop and rest on the notions of sex, what may lead to sex, promises of sex, and advertisements for great sex. The world is full of these people, and believe me, I wish this world had so many enlightened individuals as it did sexual addicts, deviants, and perverts. Overzealous and overtly religious, or pious people, may even mistakenly call me, this blog entry, and everything to do with yoga a sexual perversion, but let’s not get irrational.

Since sex exists in the mind, keep in mind that sex is simple. If it doesn’t feel simple, then you’re doing it wrong. There may be too many things piled up against your door keeping it closed shut so nobody can get in. Removing all of the things in your mind that are in direct conflict with sex is the only way to get going if the starter pistol is being fired and you’re not running. If you have a tendency to sabotage certain pleasures for yourself, even after removing all the obstacles in your mind you may find other excuses to not enter the race, like “I don’t have my running shoes”. Well, if these kinds of things happen, be honest with yourself, and try barefoot running—you may enjoy it more. The desire has to be there, the willingness to participate in the cosmic symphony that awaits you has to be there, and the person who is your sexual counterpart has to be there to stroke the strings; this is not a one-man, or one-woman show.

So you do yoga. Have you been meditating? No? Oh, sorry, stop reading right here. Once you have all of the above on your plate and ready to be served, that’s where the parallel experience of all of your meditation comes into play to experience the whole-body orgasm. Otherwise you’re standing still on the precipice with nowhere to go but to be left with fully experiencing normal, localized, physical orgasm. It’s okay, billions of people live their entire lives and die experiencing no more than that. Sounds popular. Are you the type of person that makes decisions based on what’s popular, or what is right for you?

I’m not trying to be exclusionary, I’m being discerning and inclusive. This blog is about yoga. People want in on yoga for some reason. Better sex is probably the most easily sellable reason. You can go ahead and have the best sex of your life without yoga just like the billions I described above, and there are plenty of people out there to teach it to you, and maybe even have sex with you along the way. You can even be a person who does yoga and still have the best sex of your life without having yoga impact that aspect of your life.  Seek yoga for sex and all you have is the sex. Seek yoga for yoga, and you have everything imaginable, and more.

Hair Metal

September 25, 2011

What’s more Metal than long hair to go with your black jeans, band T-shirts, and guitars and amps or drums? Yes, hair can be a source of power in Metal, and even though these days short-haired rockers are being accepted in all genres of Metal probably because they don’t look good in long hair (too curly, pouffy, frizzy, etc.) or they’ve simply just gone bald, I remember the days when you had the long hair or something just wasn’t quite right (you weren’t really Metal). Let’s face it, if your hair is anything like Justin Timberlake’s and you think you’re in a Metal band, and you may very well be, nobody is going to say anything but we all know it–you just don’t have the look.

Where am I going with all of this? Believe it or not, it goes back to Yoga, stressing not the physical, but the mental. Yoga is a mental discipline that allows you to lead the body with the mind. Through this, there is a spiritual awareness. Yoga brings strength to the practitioner.

In the biblical narrative of Samson and Delilah, Samson inevitably loses his strength after he mistakenly, probably with trust, tells Delilah the secret to his strength. What he didn’t know killed him. He didn’t know that Delilah was hired to win him over and find out exactly that secret. Samson was definitely not a Yoga practitioner.

I am a lot like Samson. My long hair is not the source of my strength. At this point in time, my hair is the longest it has ever been. My hair is exactly as long as I have been practicing Yoga. In that way, my hair defines my yogic experience without having to make it blatantly obvious to anyone. At the time just before I discovered Yoga, I had a haircut known as a Mohawk for three years. At the end of that hairstyle run, I had become deeply aware that those three years marked how fresh and exciting a Mohawk was when I first wore it, and then how ridiculously played out it had become, and I had to eliminate it from my persona. I shaved my head. Samson took the Nazirite vow of dedicating his life to the full-time service of God. One requirement was that his hair never be cut. I vowed to grow my hair as long as it would get. I started learning and experiencing Yoga.

My hair continues to grow. I’ve been told it is beautiful. Women are envious of my hair, its texture, its color, and other things I just don’t understand. I’ve had longish hair since about 20 years ago, and people who haven’t seen me in ten years say I haven’t changed a bit, not knowing I had regular, Non-Metal, short hair for most of that time. I always felt a spiritual awareness and peaceful understanding throughout my life for as long as I can remember. These Metal Yoga days are just a deliberate focal progression of who I was, confident in who I am. Yoga was not something I needed to find to heal me or guide me to the other side out of some crisis. Yoga was there, however, at a time when I decided to heal myself physically out of poor food habits and a high body fat percentage. I already knew how I was going to do what I needed, and Yoga was thankfully an added bonus that I could revel in and experience without any judgement or expectation. I am fully aware of everything that Yoga did for me then, and what it does now.

I attribute my great feats of strength and endurance to Yoga. When I was on a weight loss cycle (I am now on a weight gain cycle) I got down to 150 lbs. I considered this my limit and didn’t want to lose any more weight. My metabolism was running so efficiently, however, that if I worked too many hours and didn’t eat well enough to feed my body with healthy food, I’d end up losing weight. This is what happened when one week one summer I dropped from 155 to 150 lbs. Even so, at this weight I was able to do things like deadlift sets of 15 reps with increasing weights of 135 lbs., 185 lbs., 225 lbs., and finally 275 lbs. The really amazing part was that Yoga gave me this mental acuity of how and why we are all here, and an easily accessible dialogue with what some call the Cosmic Intelligence. Being very strong and therefore making my body physically thrive in every way (and I mean in every way) was just an unexpected extra. Let’s face it, there’s nothing special about lifting heavy things in a gym; lots of people do it all the time, and are better at it than I am. The difference is in what you don’t see.

People tell me all the time that they have found God, or Jesus is in their hearts. What they are actually saying is that they have realized how to be the best person that each of them could be. Religious rituals mean nothing when one makes such a statement. The proof is that if you haven’t had the realization, participating in the rituals of any religion will have no effect on fulfilling your life’s destiny. Samson’s destiny was to deliver Israel from the land of the Philistines. The more he strayed from his destiny, the more suffering he endured because of it, and his ego was the source of it. Delilah was the last harlot that his selfish lust brought him to before he had all sense of self taken from him. This, ironically, was what saved him and his destiny.

Luckily, if Delilah cuts off my hair or even obstructs my Yoga, I won’t be defenseless to my attackers who aim to put my eyes out and bind me with fetters of brass in a prison house. But if she aims to be in direct conflict with my dharma, life will be a detention facility where I will remain powerless, reduced to something I was never meant to be, criticized and demoralized for giving away my secret to the wrong person, the one person I thought I could trust the most. How Metal is that?

I will begin with a contextual description of how this book exactly ended up in my hands. A few short months ago I didn’t even know of Rod Stryker when I was called upon to do some work with the Give Back Yoga Foundation to mix and master a Yoga Nidra audio CD release, and Rod is one of the teachers whose recorded voice I had to work with for the benefit of future listeners. To give credit where credit is due, the only reason this connection was made comes in the name of Diane Ferraro, who, among other things, is the co-host of the Where Is My Guru? radio show which airs live on the internet weekly. Rod Stryker was recently a guest on the show, and Diane Ferraro had a copy of his book, The Four Desires, to get acquainted with before she and Jessica Durivage, her co-host and founder of the show (who already has prior workshop experience with Rod), began the live interview.

I am thoroughly excited with this book, and I haven’t even read half of it. Let me explain that this book is an adaptation of a workshop that Rod Stryker leads, called Yoga of Fulfillment, so although you can read it like a book, it is meant as a workbook and you are encouraged to participate in the exercises given, and the goal is fulfillment, which is directly linked to true lasting happiness. This is a true Yoga book, hitting upon all of the aspects of Yoga that are easily and commonly ignored by most people because they are either afraid to confront themselves, or don’t know how to, and putting on the face of misdirection and procrastination masked in busyness, or business, seems to be the easy way out. Luckily, this book helps, explains, guides, and shows you how to get to your true self and drop the things that make you unhappy and unfulfilled. As I told Diane when she first asked me how I like the book, “People write self-help books, and people everywhere are buying and reading all sorts of these self-help books. I don’t read self-help books. I’ve never found the need or want to read such a book. This book is quite possibly the best self-help book ever written, and I find this book exhilarating.”

So why am I reading it? I opened the book to challenge my notions of who I am and where I am in my life’s journey. I am perfectly at peace with myself and have found years ago what I can only describe as a sense of true happiness that I can call upon and see and experience at any given time, all alone and at the same time in union with all that there is. But there is more to this story; since then I am not alone, but in a relationship. I have been finding myself over the last year in a constant struggle trying to make sense, with mind and heart, of what I can only describe as a change in behavior within the relationship, and actions speak louder than words. From title to content, the explanation of the Four Desires, what they are, not what you think they are, is one aspect I found most important. This clear and concise breakdown and categorization immediately did about 90% of what I was looking for when I opened this book, not realizing that the remaining 10% of seek-worthy unknown will probably expand to another 90% that I was unaware of, and such is the excitement of experiencing all that life has to offer. The section explaining tantra is equally revealing and poignant, an extra bonus. Sure enough, The Four Desires immediately put me in line with calibrating myself, tuning me to my unique resonance where I am most efficient and productive, where I feel most at home. Who knows, when I’m done reading it, it may even end up being the best “relationship self-help book” out there.

It’s very easy for us to get lost in the world of distractions, whether it’s in work, wasting time on the internet, giving attention to needy friends, or in a relationship with your significant other. I’ve posted more than one entry in this blog focusing on meditation and how to do it. Rod Stryker, on page 72 in his book, doesn’t try to explain with too many cerebral details how to meditate; instead he goes one step further to expose where I have failed in my attempt to impart a sense of how to meditate to those who don’t know how to and probably never have had the experience. He writes directions that lead you through a meditation on the breath, and with these directions, you don’t have to think with your brain but instead just experience it, and that is the point. He suggests recording yourself saying the directions to yourself in your own voice slowly and calmly. What a wonderful idea! I have done this before with other meditations and it has proven very powerful. Keep in mind that I have no problem meditating but I do have a deep urgency in wanting to get as many people as possible to experience this; of course, being a recording engineer, I will record myself directing this meditation, and will offer to record anyone I know personally to direct themselves through this powerful, personal experience that takes about twenty minutes.

This brings me to where I am currently in the workbook, page 74. Here Rod says that the more you practice this simple, accessible, yet profound approach to meditation, the more capable you become of stilling your mind and tuning in to dharma. You see, in the first exercise in this book you are led through very specific steps that allow you to unlock your Dharma Code. This comes before the meditation, and I have already written the first draft of my Dharma Code. Rod Stryker has admitted to struggling for years before accepting his dharma, embracing it wholeheartedly. In the chapter that concludes exposing your Dharma Code and becoming familiar with it, even if only a glimpse, he shares this wisdom with us: Let your Dharma Code lead you, and the career and everything else your heart seeks will follow. In the Introduction to the book which explains that no experience is required and that you can do yoga and not do postures, Rod lays out the possible challenges we encounter in the face of suffering and how The Four Desires addresses each of these challenges, showing how to successfully navigate them, teaching you how you can fulfill your life’s highest calling. Rod designed this book as a process to be used over and over as a regular part of your life. This is not so much a self-help book, but a user’s manual to life itself.